In today’s society I see a lot of people trying to make themselves laugh at the next persons pain. Or looking down on the next person because they don’t have what they have. I see so much going on and it’s like do I belong here? I’m not perfect and I have my faults but somethings are just like okay… but what I noticed is when someone is trying to talk down on someone else or laughing at someone else it’s because they really aren’t happy with themselves.

I know a person and I’m not going to call any names but she’s one of the most messiest persons I have met. She talks about everyone but you rarely hear her talk about her own problems 🤔. Maybe she talks about others problems to run away from her own? Or maybe she laughs to keep from crying because she’s really not happy.

One thing I don’t like is when I walk away from a person and I feel like as soon as I walk away they’re talking about me , to me that spells bad vibes, toxicity, and not for me. If I feel like I’m being talked about as soon as I walk away from a conversation then I don’t need to hang around those people and that is bad! If you talk about people that much, I know I’m not exempt.

But what do you do when you’re in an environment like that? You stay to yourself , you keep your mouth closed, you peep things and act accordingly.

I’ve always been a quiet person. Not always but life made me pay attention more to things. Although I don’t say much I peep a lot. Don’t ever think I’m dumb. I pay attention to vibes. I can tell when a person has animosity towards me, I can feel the cold distance in the air. I’m not perfect but I do pay attention to things.

All I’m saying is- if a person talks about other people all day and have nothing but bad things to say then that’s toxic. It’s unhealthy, they are dealing toxic and unhealthy things at home. They’re not happy and they are miserable. And who in their right mind wants to be around miserable people all day? Toxic people all day? I said what I said and I feel how I feel.

I play stupid but don’t ever think I’m the fool. I know who says things about me , I can tell by their energy! And a person can pretend all they want but trust me I peep. I peep all of it but play cordial. When a person is that toxic, they’re either jealous, bitter, insecure within themselves, or just plain unhappy. And it’s not your fault, it’s not your hurt they are portraying , it’s their own and sometimes you have to ignore it.. because they are battling some tough things. Don’t ask me why God showed me something but God showed me something and it makes perfect sense why certain people are the way they are. They’re just unhappy with themselves.

So if someone is talking down on you, trying to make you look bad, projecting their anger and hatefulness on you, understand it’s them and not you. They are going through their own thing and sometimes you just have to pray for them, wash your hands, and wish them the best. No hard feelings but I can’t deal with you and it’s that simple. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

Peace, love, light 😘😘😘😘

I have a lot of thoughts on a lot of different things and one topic that is really sensitive to me that irks my nerve every time someone tries to debate about it, is my fear in God. Now don’t get me wrong I know everyone believes in something different , however how come it’s religion/ Christianity that gets bashed? That gets debated every time? People bash Christianity, people look down on Jesus, the Bible, the gospel, etc… but I don’t understand why. Sometimes I feel guilty for believing in God as hard as I do, because everyone in my household doesn’t. I feel ashamed for playing my gospel music, I feel ashamed for wanting to go to church, I feel ashamed for even praying. Don’t get me wrong I have my doubts… where I’m like is God even real? What if Jesus is a fairytale? What if religion is for the weak? I ask myself these things and I get confused and question is it even normal. In today’s world, people tend to believe in the universe over God, people believe in the law of attraction before God, don’t get me wrong I feel like I’m those people, but then I get afraid as if I’m doing something wrong. I get afraid and ask myself, am I supposed to put the universe before God? Why do I feel guilty/ afraid for saying thank you universe? If I’m completely honest I would say it’s because when I think of the universe I think of dark entities, I think of spirits, the souls of the dead. Don’t ask me why. But when I think of God/Jesus I think of purity, then I think about it.. like welll, you can’t have one without the other. You can’t have God without the universe and you can’t have the universe without God. Then I think about the tarot cards and all of that and i think well is that evil as well? I ask that because you know how in the Bible it talks about staying away from tarot cards, mediums, etc, etc. Well maybe there’s a reason, I can tell you from my experience when I looked into tarot card readings and I got readings, it was telling me that change was on its way.. of course I’m thinking oh yay!! I’m gonna move, I’m gonna be in a different state, I’m about to have a good paying job.. I was thinking all of that when the cards kept reading change, I was thinking of all the good stuff when they were telling me change was about to happen. So as I’m getting excited about my cards and time goes by… they weren’t lying when they said change was coming.. it wasn’t the change I was expecting either.. it was a drastic change, a dreadful change, a change that made me question the reality of my living. It wasn’t what I expected at all. And that’s the thing with tarot readings, the cards may appear to be something that speaks to you but you never know exactly what they mean for sure (if that makes sense).

The purpose of the Bible.

I feel like the purpose of the Bible is to set standards and morals for us, in a world that tells us everything is okay. And I feel like people bash the Bible, God, and Jesus because it doesn’t go with their way of living. We as people drink and smoke and have lustful interaction with x,y,z.. because we feel like we have the free will, that indeed we do, we do have a choice to do those things, however we still have to answer to the consequences as well. One thing about me is I know that I am different. Perfect? NO WAY. Different? In every way. I know that I am Gods child, however I feel like it can sometimes get me into trouble. Because I’ll say things like God said this or God told me that, while others around me are like that’s not God, God wouldn’t have you do that. And I’m thinking like wellll you know what… why would God put me in these situations? And then I think about it like well I did have a choice… and whatever choice I made I obviously felt like it was the right one to make at the time.

What I find funny.

What I find funny is how people always tend to blame God for everything. It’s God’s fault why my relationship failed, it’s God’s fault why my child died, it’s God’s fault why my children disobey me, it’s God’s fault my son is in the streets. But they never blame the universe, they never blame themselves, they never blame the child… everything is always Gods fault. But I also feel like we have to take some accountability, we can’t play the victim all the time, we can’t beat ourselves up all the time, God never said there wouldn’t be hardships, and honestly.. if I’m completely honest I have been there as well, I have been in that position where I felt like God why are you doing this to me, why is this happening to me… then I had to take a step back and think about it… it may be happening to me because of a choice I made.. sometimes you have to use logic, why did we break up, why did I lose my job, why don’t I have everything that everyone in my age range has, etc, etc, I look at those things and ask myself and sometimes right then and there we may not have the answers but the answers are always there. Why did we break up? You guys may have broken up because it wasn’t the right time, it wasn’t the right person, they were only there to teach you something, they were only there to show you what you didn’t want, or maybe how to appreciate the next person that may come into your life. Why did I lose my job? You may have done something you weren’t suppose to do on the job, or maybe that chapter ended because there’s something greater for you. Why don’t I have everything everyone in my age range has? Everyone goes at their own pace, some people have that support and push that they need to have those things, while others have to work harder. It doesn’t matter, as long as you get there, which you will, then in the meantime trust the process, work hard, and be patient, your time will come.

With the whole religion thing.

With the whole religion thing/ the universe and what I think the difference is.. is the universe tells you how to manifest and attract the things you want by believing you already have it, the universe/ the law of attraction is pretty much you get what you give, the universe tactic comes more from a logical stand point/ energy. Religion comes from a dependent standpoint… but also in a sense correlates with the universe.. you reap what you sow, faith without works is dead. Etc,etc. I feel like people especially black people are afraid of religion because of our ancestors and what it did to our ancestors and how white people back in the day abused it… but during those times it did help our people gain some sort of strength, hope, and fight for better days. Which turned out to be pretty good and decent for our people. At the end of the day I feel like it all plays a part in how everything is today and everything correlates together. Every religion is almost basically saying the same thing but in a different way. And I feel like people shouldn’t knock one down to lift the other up. I think people should believe in what they believe in without having to fuss back and forth rather it’s right or wrong. Let people believe in the things that bring them happiness and if it doesn’t correlate with your beliefs then so what.. keep it moving and stay blessed.

To be continued…

The clouds get dark, as they hover over my head.

Thoughts take over as I’m laying in the bed.

How’d I get right back to where I started?

Thinking in my head, I must be retarded.

Why go back to the place you tried to cleanse from?

Asking myself, am I really that dumb?

Then I think oh it’s for a reason.

Then I think about the reason for my season.

I look back and it doesn’t make sense.

Did I always want to run and hide, behind the white picked fence?

I beat myself up over circumstances I can’t change.

Feeling down about myself, cause the rain is drained.

Drained down in my soul, where I feel it is dark.

Flooding my whole existence, like Noah and the arc.

I ask God, why me?

Show me the things that I cannot see.

Help me to be thankful and not to bleed,

On the people who are only trying to help me.

I say lord, if you are listening then take away the toxins from around me, from within me.

It’s harder to see when you don’t want to see.

Am I worthy of love? Am I capable of loving?

Am I worthy of someone loyal and faithful, in a world where side pieces are the norm?

I don’t know, but whatever lesson it is I need to see, I hope and pray it is presented to me.

Sometimes it hurts and stings to start over. It hurts and stings to want to give your heart to another person, after you’ve been in love for so long. Everything you do or everything that a person does is a constant reminder of your previous relationship and you don’t know if you’re just so willingly ready to dive back into one, heart first.

Sometimes we do and say things out of hurt. But one thing I know for certain is in my next partnership I really want us to be able to work through everything. Not everyone can handle you at your worst but if they can, keep them. I believe if you are given a chance to start over or you’re starting a new relationship I believe before you jump right into it, make sure you’re healed from past traumas and hurts. Make sure you don’t settle out of loneliness or fear of not believing you deserve better (I’m speaking for myself) however if I don’t have a relationship by this time, then I think it’s for the best. It may be a sign that’s telling me to rest , to heal.

Earlier this year I was going through a lot. And even though me and my ex didn’t work out, he did bail me out of jail while most likely my family would’ve left me in there to rot. He was super freaking smart, intelligent, and freaking genius. Finding someone to come close to him, he would definitely have to be heaven sent. I want him to be heaven sent.

May my next man be the best man of my life and may I be prepared for the love and commitment to stick around. May I be molded into a intelligent, loving, supportive, awesome wife/mother one day, and grow from my discomfort pains.

Ik I tried to move on, but as I said before my ex had my whole heart, not just a piece, he was my soul mate, nothing more — nothing less. We were there for each other for a reason. Anyone after me? They will never compare, she may have long hair, be fairer skinned , or may even be prettier but she will never be me simply because I was always around him and there for him no matter how difficult things may have gotten.

I wasn’t perfect but I know that I really did love him. Sorry in advance for my mushiness.

Things I’m learning from it tho:

How to communicate what I’m feeling.

Learning to put my pride to the side.

Learning to love and open up again.

Growing and appreciating what I am blessed with.

I never want to take advantage ever again.

Keeping God first at all times. Heck maybe we have to go through the bad things to get to the best, and I’m patiently waiting.

To be continued…

I apologize for it being so long since I’ve posted but best believe you have not seen the last of me. There is sooooo much more to come!

You’re still alive for a reason.

You have a purpose.

Not everyone has to like you or approve of you.

You are a beautiful human being.

Don’t give up.

Dreams do come true when you pursue them.

Keep God first.

Not everyone will choose you and that’s okay, choose yourself.

Just because you just got out of a relationship doesn’t mean you have to jump right back into one.

People may judge you and look at you sideways but who cares about them. Care about yourself.

Pick your head up your crown is slipping.

There is a lot on mind that I need to flow freely, if you fwm stay tuned. It gets interesting!

Being me, I love writing. I love typing. I love reading. You can get to know me by being transparent as a person and being open and honest. I do not tolerate negativity, disrespect, and unkindness on this page. If you are not here for the following- light, peace, and growth..then you can go! Support those who support you! You never know. I believe in God, I believe he is the creator of this entire universe and I believe he wants us to be spiritual. Spiritual beings in which adds life to everyone’s experience and spreads their magic. You are created wonderfully and mastered every piece of your life, You are a light being. You are an Angel. I love your page and everything you write about!

Daily reminders:

1.You’re a true being with life on the other side of the tunnel.

2.You belong here.

3.You are important.

4.Love is in the air.

5.Be dedicated, be focus, stay mastermind.

Beautiful person you…

State your beauty. Are you a beautiful person inside and out? Because that’s what true love is all about. When you’re a beautiful person on the inside, you spread love on the outside. True love is what its all about. True kindness is what its all about, forgiveness, hopefulness, and faith. Do you know God? The spiritual God. The God that is made from the light because his love shines so bright? Do you know that one? That’s how we should love. Through him.. because then you are an living example from him. There is life at the end of the tunnel, you just have to trust in God. I make post for people who like to read.. to read about something other than the bad.